16.1 The Story about Three Monastics

Dhp 209-211

CST4: Tayojanapabbajitavatthu, the Story about Three People Who Had Gone Forth

Burlingame: Mother and Father and Son

In quick succession a son, his father and mother all went forth and became monastics, but even after ordination they were inseparable; the Buddha told them this was not suitable for monastics and admonished them with these verses.

Keywords: Families, Monastics, Bhikkhunīs

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“Engaging in what is not suitable,” [30.81] {3.273} this Dhamma teaching was given by the Teacher while he was in residence at Jetavana with reference to three who had gone forth.

It seems that in a certain household at Sāvatthī there was an only son, who was the darling and delight of his mother and father. One day some bhikkhus were invited to take a meal at the house, and when they had finished, they recited the words of thanksgiving. As the youth listened to the words of the Dhamma, he was seized with a desire to go forth, and straightaway asked leave of his mother and father. They refused to permit him to do so. Thereupon the following thought occurred to him: “When my mother and father are not looking, I will leave the house and go forth.”

Now whenever the father left the house, he committed the son to the care of his mother, saying: “Pray keep him safe and sound,” and whenever the mother left the house, she committed the son to the care of the father. One day, after the father had left the house, the mother said to herself: “I will indeed keep my son safe and sound.” So she braced one foot against one of the door-posts and the other foot against the other door-post, and sitting thus on the ground, began to spin her thread.

The youth thought to himself: “I will outwit her and escape.” So he said to his mother: “Dear mother, just remove your foot a little; I wish to attend to nature’s needs.” She drew back her foot and he went out. He went to the monastery as fast as he could, and approaching the bhikkhus, said: “Give me the going forth, venerable Sirs.” {3.274} The bhikkhus complied with his request and gave him the going forth.

When his father returned to the house, he asked the mother: “Where is my son?” – “Husband, he was here but a moment ago.” – “Where can my son be?” thought the father, looking about. Seeing him nowhere, he came to the conclusion: “He must have gone to the monastery.” So the father went to the monastery, and seeing his son [30.82] gone forth, wept and lamented and said: “Dear son, why do you destroy me?” But after a moment he thought to himself: “Now that my son has gone forth, why should I live the life of a lay disciple any longer?” So, of his own accord, he also asked the bhikkhus to go forth, and then and there he went forth.

The mother of the youth thought to herself: “Why are my son and my husband tarrying so long?” Looking all about, she suddenly thought: “Undoubtedly they have gone to the monastery and gone forth.” So she went to the monastery and seeing both her son and her husband gone forth, thought to herself: “Since both my son and my husband have gone forth, what further use have I for the household life?” And of her own accord, she went to the community of bhikkhunīs and went forth.

But even after mother and father and son had gone forth and adopted the spiritual life, they were unable to remain apart; whether in the monastery or in the nunnery, they would sit down by themselves and spend the day chatting together. The bhikkhus and bhikkhunīs were repelled by their conduct, and one day the bhikkhus told the Teacher what was going on.

The Teacher sent for them and asked them: “Is the report true that you are doing this and that?” They replied it was true. Then said the Teacher: “Why do you do so? This is not the proper way for those gone forth to conduct themselves.” – “But, venerable Sir, it is impossible for us to live apart.” – “From the time of going forth, such conduct is highly improper; it is painful both to be deprived of the sight of those who are dear, and to be obliged to look upon that which is not dear; for this reason, whether persons or material things be involved, one should take no account either of what is dear or of what is not dear.” So saying, the Teacher pronounced the following verses:

209. Ayoge yuñjam-attānaṁ, yogasmiñ-ca ayojayaṁ,
atthaṁ hitvā piyaggāhī, pihetattānuyoginaṁ.

Engaging in what is not suitable,
not engaging in what is suitable,
abandoning the good, grasping the loved,
he envies the person who endeavours. {3.275}

210. Mā piyehi samāgañchī appiyehi kudācanaṁ,
piyānaṁ adassanaṁ dukkhaṁ, appiyānañ-ca dassanaṁ.

Do not associate at any time
with those who are loved, or with those unloved,
there is suffering not meeting those loved,
and suffering from meeting those unloved.

211. Tasmā piyaṁ na kayirātha, piyāpāyo hi pāpako.
Ganthā tesaṁ na vijjanti yesaṁ natthi piyāppiyaṁ.

Therefore do not hold anything as loved,
for losing those who are loved is loathsome.
There are no knots or attachments for those
who hold nothing as loved or as unloved.

Because of that the three people, thinking: “We are unable to live without each other,” having left, they returned to the household.