9. Mittaṁ
A Friend
(16 Verses)
96 [stm.]
Analaso acaṇḍikko asaṭho suci saccavā
aluddho atthakāmo ca, tam-uttaṁ uttamo naro.
Not lazy, not fierce, not deceitful, pure, truthful, not greedy and seeking (his own and others’) benefit: that one is spoken of as the supreme person.
A supreme person is first free from laziness, fierceness, deceit and greed which are the roots of harm and stagnation. They are then characterised by purity of conduct, unwavering truthfulness and a fundamental motivation that seeks the benefit for both themselves and others. This person is not merely pleasant or useful, but ethically sound and altruistic. Such an individual provides a foundation for trust and growth, making them the ultimate friend on any path, worldly or spiritual.
97 [stm.]
Ahitā paṭisedho ca, hitesu ca niyojako,
byasane cāpariccāgo, saṅkhepaṁ mittalakkhaṇaṁ.
Warding off what is unbeneficial, encouraging what is beneficial, not abandoning one in misfortune—in brief, (these are) the marks of a friend.
First, a true friend protects you from harm, actively warding off unbeneficial influences, bad decisions, or dangers. Second, they proactively encourage and guide you toward what is beneficial—virtue, learning and opportunities. Third, and most crucially, they do not abandon you in times of misfortune or difficulty. This unwavering loyalty during hardship is the ultimate test of friendship. These three marks define a relationship that is actively engaged in your welfare, not just a passive association.
98 [stm.]
Āture byasane sace dubbhikkhe paraviggahe
rājadvāre susāne ca, saṅkhepaṁ mittalakkhaṇaṁ.
The mark of a friend, in brief, is if (one is with you) in sickness, in misfortune, in famine, in a dispute with another, at the king’s gate, at a cemetery.
A true friend is present when you are sick and vulnerable, during personal misfortune, in times of famine or scarcity, when you are entangled in a dispute and need support, when you must face the intimidating authority of the king’s court, and even at a cemetery, confronting loss and mortality. The friend who stands by you in these trials proves their worth not in times of ease, but when your need is greatest. Their presence is the mark of authentic companionship.
99 [sim., stm.]
Hitesano sumitto ca viññū ca dullabho jano,
yathosadhañ-ca sāduñ-ca rogahārī ca sajjano.
A good and wise friend, who seeks your benefit, is a rare person, a good person, like a sweet medicine which carries off disease.
A good and wise person is described with three terms: a good friend, one who seeks your benefit, and he is wise. This combination is rare. They are like a perfect remedy: sweet and pleasant to take, yet powerfully effective in carrying away the diseases of ignorance, poor judgment and unwholesome states. A good person in this role is not just a companion but a healing influence, actively contributing to your spiritual and moral health through their wisdom and goodwill.
100 [rh.q.]
Yo dhuvāni pariccajja, adhuvānopasevati,
dhuvāni tassa nassanti, adhuvesu kathā va kā?
He who has abandoned what endures, and serves what does not endure, he loses the things that endure, what to say about those that do not endure?
What endures refers to lasting, true values: virtue, wisdom and genuine friendships. What does not endure refers to fleeting sensual pleasures, wealth or superficial alliances. The person who neglects or abandons their enduring spiritual wealth in order to pursue transient, worldly attachments commits a grave error. The consequence is the loss of the very things that provide lasting security and happiness. If one loses the eternal for the sake of the temporary, there is no hope of preserving anything of value.
101 [adm.]
Luddham-atthena gaṇheyya, thaddham-añjalikammunā,
chandānuvattiyā mūḷhaṁ, yathābhūtena paṇḍitaṁ.
One should win over the greedy with gain, the obstinate with deference, the foolish by complying with their whims, the wise with the truth.
To win over a greedy person, one must appeal to their self-interest with material gain. To soften an obstinate or proud person, one uses formal respect and deference. To guide a foolish person, one temporarily complies with their wishes to gain their trust and ear. However, with a wise person, the only appropriate and effective method is straightforward truth. This is not manipulation but skillful means adapted to the recipient’s capacity, aiming to ultimately guide all toward the truth that the wise person already recognises.
102–103 [adm.]
Accābhikkhaṇasaṁsaggā asamo saraṇena ca
etena mittā jīranti akāle yācanena ca.
Tasmā nābhikkhaṇaṁ gacche, na ca gacche cirāciraṁ,
kālena yācaṁ yāceyya, evaṁ mittā na jīyare.
Friendships decay through excessive begging and association, through sheltering an unequal and through soliciting at the wrong time. Therefore one should not go and beg, one should not come and go, one should solicit alms at the right time, in this way friendships do not decay.
One must avoid being a burden through constant begging or over-familiarity. Visits should be neither too frequent nor too rare, maintaining a balanced and considerate presence. Most importantly, any request for help or resources should be made only at an appropriate and convenient time. By practicing such restraint, sensitivity and timing, one shows care for the relationship itself, ensuring that friendship remains a source of mutual joy and support rather than an obligation.
104 [adm.]
Yena mittena saṁsaggā, yogakkhemo vihīyati,
pubbe v’ ajjhābhavaṁ tassa rakkhe akkhīva paṇḍito.
Through association with a (bad) friend, security decreases, the wise one should guard against his power beforehand, like he would guard his eyes.
Association with a false or unvirtuous friend gradually diminishes one’s security, meaning both worldly well-being and, more importantly, spiritual progress and peace of mind. Such a friend leads one into unwholesome actions, wrong views and dangerous situations. The wise person is therefore advised to recognise this threat early and guard against the influence of a bad friend with the same proactive, vigilant care one would use to protect one’s own eyesight. It is a call for preemptive discernment to avoid spiritual harm.
105 [adm.]
Yena mittena saṁsaggā, yogakkhemo pavaḍḍhati,
kareyy’ attasamaṁ vuttiṁ, sabbakiccesu paṇḍito.
Through association with a (good) friend, security increases, the wise one should do all his duties, behaving as though for himself.
Association with a good, virtuous friend reliably causes one’s security and welfare to increase. Such a friend provides protection, good advice and noble example. Therefore, the wise person should engage in all duties and responsibilities toward that friend with the same care, dedication and thoroughness as they would for themselves. This is a recognition that the welfare of a true friend is inseparable from one’s own. By investing fully in the relationship, one nurtures the very source of one’s own growth and safety.
106 [sim., stm.]
Pabbe pabbe kamen’ ucchu visesarasavāggato,
tathā sumettiko sādhu, viparīto va dujjano.
Sugarcane, sequentially from the tip, joint by joint, has a special taste, so a friendly person is good, a bad person is the opposite.
High-quality sugarcane is sweet and flavorful from the first section to the last, in an orderly, predictable way. Similarly, a good friend is reliably good throughout, their kindness, virtue and support are consistent and trustworthy in all circumstances. In stark contrast, a bad person is the opposite, he is perverse; their nature is inconsistent, unpredictable and ultimately harmful. The value of a friend, like the value of the cane, is found in their uniform and dependable quality, not in sporadic sweetness masking a bitter core.
107–108 [adm.]
Teneva Muninā vuttaṁ: dhammā ye keci lokiyā,
tathā lokuttarā ceva dhammā Nibbānagāmino,
kalyāṇamittam-āgamma sabbe te honti pāṇinaṁ,
tasmā kalyāṇamittesu kātabbo hi sadādaro.
This was spoken by the Sage: whatever mundane qualities, and likewise supermundane qualities leading to Nibbāna there are, they come to all living beings (through) a good friend, therefore one should make good friends, and always show respect. Cf. SN 45.2: Sakalam-evidaṁ, Ānanda, brahmacariyaṁ, yadidaṁ: kalyāṇamittatā kalyāṇasahāyatā kalyāṇasampavaṅkatā; Ānanda, good friendship, good companionship, and good associations are the whole of the spiritual life.
The Buddha taught that every wholesome quality, whether mundane virtues leading to happiness in this life, or the supermundane qualities of the path leading directly to Nibbāna, arises in beings through the influence and guidance of a good friend. Such a friend provides the example, instruction and encouragement necessary for growth. Therefore, seeking out and cultivating relationships with virtuous people is the essential foundation of the entire spiritual life, deserving of constant respect and effort.
109 [stm.]
Yo ’ha ve kataññu katavedi dhīro,
kalyāṇamitto daḷhabhatti ca hoti,
dukkhitassa sakkaccaṁ karoti kiccaṁ,
tabbhāvaṁ sappurisaṁ vadanti loke.
The steadfast one who is truly grateful and thankful, is a good friend and is firmly devoted, who respectfully does his duty for one distressed, in the world they say that one is by nature a good person.
Such an individual possesses three key attributes: deep gratitude and thankfulness, recognising and repaying kindness; the quality of being a good friend themselves with firm devotion; and the proactive compassion to respectfully attend to the needs of someone who is distressed. These are not separate acts but expressions of a single noble character. The world rightly recognises that one who embodies these traits is by nature a true person, their very being is defined by loyalty, gratitude and active care for others in difficulty.
110 [ana., stm.]
Hitakāro paro bandhu, bandhū pi ahito paro,
ahito dehajo byādhi, hitam-āraññam-osadhaṁ.
A beneficial outsider is a relative, an unhelpful relative is an outsider, an unhelpful child is a disease, a beneficial child is a natural medicine.
An outsider who actively brings benefit and support is, in truth, worthy of being considered a relative. Conversely, a biological relative who is unhelpful or harmful is functionally an outsider, a stranger or even an enemy. It extends this logic to one’s own child: a child who is unhelpful is a painful affliction like a disease. But a child who is beneficial is like a healing natural medicine for the family. The teaching prioritises the quality of contribution over the accident of birth, evaluating bonds by their actual fruit.
111 [sim., adm.]
Padumaṁ va mukhaṁ yassa, vācā candanasītalaṁ,
madhu tiṭṭhati jivhagge, hadayesu halāhalaṁ—
tādisaṁ nopaseveyya, taṁ mittaṁ parivajjaye.
That one whose face is like a lotus, whose speech is cool as sandalwood, having honey on the tip of his tongue, (but who is like) deadly poison in the hearts—such a one you should not serve, that friend should be avoided.
This person has an attractive, pleasant face and speech as soothing as sandalwood. Their words are sweet as honey. Yet, in their heart, they harbor malice or poison. This disparity between alluring exterior and toxic interior makes them supremely dangerous. Such a person is not to be served or associated with; they must be actively avoided. True friendship requires integrity, a harmony between outward appearance, speech and inner intention.