13. Itthī
A Woman This chapter might have been better split into two (along the lines of dujjano and sujano), the first half until vs. 164 is more positive about women and their status; but 165 to 172 identifies characteristics that are presented as belonging to all women, which seems to me to overgeneralise, as they may apply only to some. Other verses about women, both positive and negative, are found at 153, 200, 243, 244, 259, 356 and 378.
(17 Verses)
156 [adm.]
Vāreyya kulajaṁ pañño virūpam-api kaññakaṁ;
hīnāya pi surūpāya vivāhaṁ sadisaṁ kare.
A wise man should marry a maiden born in a good family, even if plain; (but) he can even make a beautiful inferior an equal in marriage.
A wise man is advised to choose a wife from a good family, as her upbringing will likely have instilled moral conduct, diligence and social compatibility. Even if she lacks conventional beauty, her noble character will ensure a harmonious and prosperous household. Conversely, a wise man can, through his own conduct and guidance, elevate a woman of striking beauty but low character or base origins, making her an equal in the partnership through shared values and respect.
157 [adm.]
Sāmā migakkhī sukesī, tanumajjhimadantavā,
dassanīyā mukhavaṇṇā, gambhīranābhi vācakā,
susīlā vāyamati ca, hīnakule pi vivāhaye.
He should marry one of brown complexion, with deer-like eyes, who has a slim waist, has even teeth, beautiful facial features, deep navel, who speaks well, is virtuous and energetic, even if from an inferior family.
The ideal physical and personal attributes of a suitable bride includes traits like a slim waist, even teeth and a deep navel, reflecting traditional aesthetic standards. More importantly, it emphasises desirable personal qualities: virtuous conduct, energetic diligence and eloquent speech. A man should marry a woman possessing these traits even if she comes from a low-status family. Her inherent character and personal merits outweigh the social disadvantage of a humble birth, placing the emphasis on the individual’s personal qualities.
158–159 [sim., stm.]
Bhutto mātā va bhojesi, saraṇesu ca dhātiyo;
kammesu sakapanti ca, katakammesu dhāti naṁ;
dhammesu patiṭṭhā niccaṁ, sayanesu ca vaṇṇibhā,
kulesu bhātaraṁ vācī, yā nārī seṭṭhasammatā.
Like nurses amongst the refugees, like a nourishing mother, she feeds him; she is compassionate in work, she is a guardian of the work done; that woman who is constantly established in her duties, like a beautiful servant in the residences, who speaks as a relative amongst the families, is considered excellent.
She is like a nurse in times of trouble, a nourishing mother who feeds and cares for the household, and a diligent guardian who manages work and preserves what has been accomplished. She is steadfast in her duties, serves gracefully in the home, and acts as a diplomatic relative who fosters good relations with other families. This ideal combines the roles of caretaker, manager, steward and ambassador. The woman who embodies this blend of practical skill, unwavering duty and social intelligence is rightly considered supreme.
160 [stm.]
Yo naṁ bharati sabbadā niccaṁ ātāpi ussuko
sabbakāmaharaṁ posaṁ bhattāraṁ nātimaññati.
She does not despise the husband who always supports her, who is constantly ardent and eager, who brings her all pleasures and nourishes her.
She should never despise or look down upon a husband who fulfills his role: one who consistently supports the family, is ardent and eager in his efforts, and provides both material necessities and pleasures. Ingratitude towards such a husband is presented as a serious fault. The verse underscores the value of reciprocity and respect within the marital partnership. Recognising and honouring the husband’s dedicated provision is the wife’s corresponding duty, ensuring mutual appreciation and domestic harmony.
161 [adm.]
Na cāpi svatthi bhattāraṁ icchācārena rosaye,
bhattu ca garuno sabbe paṭipūjeti paṇḍitā.
A good woman ought not to anger her husband through ambition, a wise woman must honour all her husband’s teachers.
A wise wife should not anger her husband through self-serving ambition or willful behavior that disrupts household peace. Furthermore, she must extend honour and service not only to her husband but also to all his teachers and elders. This shows an understanding that her respect for him includes respect for the sources of his knowledge and virtue. It frames a good marriage as integrated into a broader web of social and spiritual relationships, respecting the hierarchy of mentorship that guides him.
162–163 [stm.]
Uṭṭhāhikā analasā, saṅgahitaparijjanā,
bhattu manāpaṁ carati, sambhatam-anurakkhati.
Evaṁ vattati yā nārī, bhattu chandavasānugā,
Manāpā nāma te Devā, yattha sā upapajjati.
Energetic, not lazy, treating the servants well, she lives pleasantly with her husband, she protects their wealth. That woman who lives like this, according to her husband’s desire, is reborn amongst the Devas called Agreeable.
She is energetic and industrious, never lazy. She treats the servants and household staff with kindness and skill, maintaining harmony. She lives pleasantly with her husband, fostering affection and companionship. She is also a careful steward, protecting the wealth they have accumulated together. Because she lives according to her husband’s righteous wishes, she is reborn among a class of deities fittingly named The Agreeable. Her harmonious nature, cultivated in the domestic sphere, finds its culmination in a celestial realm of perfect concord.
164 [stm.]
Itthiy’ ekacciyā vā pi seyyā vuttā va Muninā:
bhaṇḍānaṁ uttamaṁ itthī, agg’ upaṭṭhāyikā ti pi.
Even a few women were spoken well of by the Sage (saying): women are the best of valuables, they are the best of attendants.
The praise is specific and high, such women are declared the best of valuables, meaning they are the most precious possession a household can have, more valuable than any material treasure. Furthermore, they are called the best attendants, signifying their unparalleled capacity for devoted, skilful, and beneficial service to their husband and family. There are exceptional women whose virtue, loyalty, and capability make them supreme blessings. The text therefore extols the women who embody the highest feminine virtues. So far the chapter has been discussing worthy and useful women, and their good qualities; from the next verse until the end of the chapter it outlines some unwanted characteristics.
165 [rh.q.]
Mātarā dhītarā vā pi bhaginiyā vicakkhaṇo
na vivittāsane mante, nārī māyāvinī nanu?
A discerning man should not talk with a mother, a daughter or even a sister on a secluded seat, is not a woman deceitful?
A discerning man is warned not to hold private conversations with even his mother, daughter or sister in a secluded, private place. The rhetorical question implies an underlying distrust of feminine nature, suggesting that passion or trickery could arise even in ostensibly safe relationships. This reflects a traditional emphasis on avoiding any situation that could lead to sensual temptation or scandal, advocating for strict boundaries to protect moral integrity.
166 [sim., stm.]
Vijjutānañ-ca lolattaṁ satthānañ-cātitikkhataṁ
siṅghataṁ vāyutejānaṁ anukubbanti nāriyo.
Women are as restless as lightning, as sharp as swords, as swift as wind and fire.
Women are said to be as restless and unpredictable as lightning, as sharp and cutting as swords, and as swift and consuming as wind and fire. This imagery conveys a sense of volatility, potential harm and overwhelming speed. It characterises women as powerful forces that are difficult to control or predict, capable of sudden, transformative and potentially destructive action. The verse serves as a warning to be mindful of this inherent power and volatility.
167 [stm.]
Diguṇo thīnam-āhāro, buddhi cāpi catugguṇā,
chagguṇo hoti vāyāmo, kāmo tv-aṭṭhaguṇo bhave.
A woman’s support is twofold, her intelligence fourfold, her effort sixfold, but her sexual desire is eightfold.
A woman’s consumption or physical sustenance is double, her intelligence is quadruple, her effort is sixfold, but her sexual desire is eightfold. This is not literal but a symbolic way of saying that a woman’s passions, cunning, persistence and drives are vastly multiplied. It portrays feminine energy as immensely powerful and multi-faceted, with a particularly overwhelming emphasis on sensual desire, suggesting this is a primary and potent motivating force.
168 [stm.]
Ekam-ekāya itthiyā aṭṭha-aṭṭhapatino siyuṁ,
sūrā ca balavanto ca, sabbakāmarasāharā,
kareyya navame chandaṁ, ūnattā hi na pūrati.
For a woman may have eight husbands, one by one, heroes and strong, bringing the essence of all desires, (but still) she may have desire for a ninth, for she does not feel fulfilled.
Even if a woman had eight husbands sequentially and each one is a hero, a strong provider of all pleasures, she might still crave a ninth. The reason given is that she does not feel fulfilled. This speaks to a traditional view of female sensuality as boundless and incapable of being satisfied by any finite number of partners or any amount of sensory gratification. It is a cautionary trope about the perceived depth and unquenchable nature of desire in women.
169 [stm.]
Vivādasīlī ussuyā, passantataṇhikāgatā,
amitābhuñjananiddā sataṁ puttā pi taṁ jahe.
Even a hundred children should abandon one quarrelsome, envious, staring cravenly, sleeping and eating without measure.
This list the traits that make a woman so reprehensible that even her own children should abandon her. These include being quarrelsome, envious, staring with craving or covetousness, and being immoderate in eating and sleeping which are signs of gluttony and laziness. Such a woman fails in the fundamental virtues of a mother and homemaker: peace, generosity, modesty and self-control. The hyperbolic image of a hundred sons leaving her underscores that these flaws destroy even the most sacred biological bond, rendering her unfit for family life.
170 [rh.q.]
Lapanti saddhim-aññena, passantaññaṁ savibbhamā,
cittakaṁ cintayant’ aññaṁ, nārīnaṁ nāma ko piyo?
They chat with one, while glancing wantonly at another, and thinking in their heart of (yet) another, who is dear to women?
A woman chatting with one man, while her eyes wander lustfully toward another, and her heart and thoughts are secretly fixed on a third. For this type of woman no single person truly holds her loyalty or love; their attention and desire are perpetually divided and shifting. This characterises feminine affection as sometimes superficial, opportunistic, and unstable, incapable of deep, singular, and steadfast attachment. This is indeed something that may be true for some women, but not, of course, for all.
171 [ana., stm.]
Gaṇheyya vātaṁ jālena, sāgaram-ekapāṇinā
osiñceyya ca; tālena sakena janaye ravaṁ;
pamadāsu visajjeyya itthiyesā va dhammatā.
One might catch the wind with a net, one might sprinkle the (whole) ocean with one hand; one might produce a sound with the palm of one hand; (still) she will speak amongst the women, this is the nature of women.
The gossipy and indiscreet nature of women is as immutable and inevitable as natural law. One would have an easier time catching the wind in a net, sprinkling the entire ocean with one hand, or producing a sound by clapping with one hand, than preventing a woman from speaking with other women. A woman’s tendency to share secrets and engage in talk is presented as an irresistible compulsion to communicate, often without discretion.
172 [rh.q.]
Jivhā sahassiko yo hi jīve vassasataṁ naro,
tena nikammunā vutto, thīdoso kiṁ khayaṁ gato?
A man having a thousand tongues might live for a hundred years, having spoken with great effort, (but) could the faults of women be destroyed?
This verse ends the chapter with a rhetorical question emphasising the futility of trying to fully enumerate or eradicate the faults of women. It suggests that even if a man had a thousand tongues and lived for a hundred years, speaking incessantly and with great effort, he could not exhaust the subject of women’s flaws, nor would his discourse destroy those faults. As with the other verses at the end of this chapter, this one should be taken as applying to some, but not to all. Both men and women obviously have flaws depending on their character. We should not over-generalise.